Saturday, November 29, 2008

God’s Will

- by Ayesha Parveen 29 Nov 2008
Category: Others. This story has been read 31 times.

Love comes, but accompanied by pain;
Who can tell us why?
Time moves on, but scars remain,
As friends all go by.

As we take each step, so much is lost
That which cannot be retrieved;
Yet, in pain and in joy,
My love for you has thrived.

My hopes for your happiness
Are all fulfilled, my prayers all answered
Now debt repaid, to God I yield.
To His call, I have now answered.

My Appa

- by Ayesha Parveen 29 Nov 2008
Category: Others.
This story has been read 19 times.

In this inexplicable mystery called life, we sometimes get surprise-gifts. One such gift in my life is my Appa. Even though we are not biologically related in this life, he is the one person from whom I keep on receiving fatherly affection. Appa knows when I need words of encouragement and offers them to me. Somehow he senses when I am hurt, and he heals me with his words of kind wisdom and with his inimitable sense of humour.

Having gone through more-than-enough pain in his own life, he chooses to be compassionate to others and has not become bitter in his attitude. True, we argue at times, but I know he tells me what he thinks will help me be a better person as well as lead a happier life. At the same time, he respects my space and accepts the personal choices I make. My Appa says I inspire him. In this often unfairly ultra-critical world, he works wonders in my life by saying I am worthy of appreciation.

Through this post, I wish to express my love and gratitude for Appa. I hope he reads it and understands how important he is to me. God bless my Appa.

( 'Appa' means Father)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Setting Goals

- by Ayesha Parveen 26 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 67 times.

To achieve something, we need to set a goal and it needs some serious thought and action. The following rules might help:

1. BE PRACTICAL: We need to set a goal in almost every aspect of life: professional, financial, personal and temporal. And, when we do so, we need to be practical. If, for example, a person earns Rs. 20, 000 a month, then his goal should not be to become a millionaire within a year! Perhaps, saving Rs.120, 000 in a year would be a better idea (at Rs. 10,000 per month saving). Similarly, if you are working 8 hours a day, do not suddenly plan to work 16 hours as it will be physically almost impossible to do so.

2. PUT IT IN WRITING: Set your goals in writing; in that way you will remember them. Every night, before going to bed, read the writing so that your subconscious mind registers it. Along with the more common financial and professional goals, remember your personal goals too. Be very specific. What is in the mind, usually, sooner or later, gets manifested in the tangible world too.

Every month evaluate how far you have progressed in nearing your goals. Be patient with yourself and learn from your mistakes like unnecessary over-spending.

4. TIME-FRAME: Put a time-frame to your goal, short-term or long. Some goals can have both the short-term and the long-term time-frames. For example, a short-term saving of Rs. 120, 000 per annum would have a long-term time-frame of Rs 600, 000 in 5 years.

5. SET YOUR GOALS SLIGHTLY HIGHER than what at present you practically think is possible. This will motivate you more in making the adjustments in life necessary to reach your goal.

6. REGULARITY: Break down your working for the goal and do each day’s/ month’s/ year’s work regularly.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


- by Ayesha Parveen 25 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 68 times.
As I wait for things to change,
I know they will.
As I wait for pain to go,
I feel it will.

My wait is based on trust, on love
Greater than other feelings in me;
In God’s own time my wait will end
And you will be with me.

Facing the Interviewer(s)

- by Ayesha Parveen 25 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 50 times.

How we face the interviewer(s) usually decides whether we get the job or not. The following points might help us:

1. WISH THE INTERVIEWER(S) as soon as you enter and try to sound pleasant. If there are more than one person present, you may say, “Good morning, ladies/ gentlemen/ ladies and gentlemen” (as is appropriate).

2. SIT DOWN WHEN YOU ARE ASKED TO. After sitting down, remember to say “Thank you”. Sit straight and avoid displaying signs of nervousness, like fidgeting with you tie, etc.

3. BE HONEST about your academic/professional background.

4. If you are being asked a PERSONAL QUESTION which you do not want to answer, say, “Sorry, I do not want to answer this personal question.” Be POLITE but FIRM.

5. Make EYE-CONTACT with the person(s) you are talking to. It is a sign of self-confidence.

Answer questions DIRECTLY but POLITELY. If you do not know the answer to a question, say so. Remember, no human being is all-knowing.

Even if an interviewer is trying to make you angry, DO NOT SHOW ANGER in return.

8. At the end of the interview, THANK the interviewer(s) and ask, “May I leave?” Go home and send a FORMAL LETTER OF THANKS.

9. Be RELAXED throughout the interview. BELIEVE in yourself and in God’s plan for you.

Monday, November 24, 2008

At Last

- by Ayesha Parveen 23 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.This story has been read 60 times.
At times pain overwhelms us;
And all around us we see chaos
These are times when it is
Difficult to trust, hard to open up,
Perhaps, impossible to undo damage or forgive.

At times pain overwhelms us;
And suddenly we glimpse the truth:
We know a soul-kin
As well as the pretenders,
Near or far away, for us.

At times pain overwhelms us;
And going through it,
We find peace, at last;
Not around us, but within us,
And there is pain no more.


- by Ayesha Parveen 23 Nov 2008
Category: Others.
This story has been read 51 times.

Having a good career and a job you like is one of the major fulfillments of life. However, like most things good, it needs a lot of effort on your part. If you want a promotion at work, the following points might help:

1. DON’T WAIT FOR THE JOB VACANCY. Pave the way by making sure your boss knows you want more responsibility.

2. EMPLOYEES NEED TO TREAT THEIR OWN COMPANY AS A CLIENT. In order to stay competitive, inform your employer of your competencies and your talents.

3. PREPARE FOR POSITIONS YOU ARE INTERESTED IN. If you’re targeting a job in a foreign country, begin taking language classes before any opportunity presents itself. Think about portability. Likewise, don’t let a company know you’re interested in a foreign post if you cannot do it. You can tell them you can’t do it; that would help them identify where else they can promote you.

4. FOLLOW THROUGH in every commitment to you boss, colleagues or anyone else. Being able to meet deadlines is extremely important.

5. BE PUNCTUAL. Being late leaves a bad impression and is unprofessional.

6. BRUSH UP YOUR KNOWLEDGE of both your subject and related ones.

7. SAVE MONEY. Have enough money saved, perhaps enough to meet about 6 months’ expenses, on which you can fall back if you need to change your job.

You Remain

- by Ayesha Parveen 23 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 60 times.
Even in pain, you remain;
Even in doubt, you remain.
Even when everything
Is torn apart
And the universe
Is broken down to atoms,
You remain;
Love remains.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Holding A Party Successfully

by Ayesha Parveen 14 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 313 times.
The host often feels nervous about the party he is about to hold and wonders about its potential for success. Holding a party being a social event, the host needs to put in some genuine effort in making it successful. The following tips might be useful:

Be bold with your guest list and invite people from different backgrounds. When guests have to work a bit harder in communicating, rather than just talk-shop, they tend to learn much more about each other.

Send out invitations two to three weeks in advance and make sure you include RSVP details. It is better to give your postal and e-mail addresses along with your phone and fax numbers. If the venue is hard to find, include a map and, if appropriate, also put in a note about the party stating the dress-code etc. Whatever the size of the party, remember to put the start and finish time on the invitation.

Make sure you answer the door and always greet your guests personally. Introduce people individually or to other groups with helpful prompts like: “Sunil, meet Rajan. His children go to the same school as yours.”

Once the party is in full swing, you can expect to be on the go continuously. You may politely request some friends to help you look after the drinks. Many shy people often find parties easier if they have a role to play and keep themselves busy.

Encourage guests to circulate, but if you take someone away from one group, replace him with another guest so that no one feels abandoned. Then move on yourself.

To make the most of your friends, work out a seating plan for your lunch or dinner party; however, be prepared to change it if necessary. If anyone brings a gift, try to UNWRAP IT there and then, unless this is likely to cause offence. Show appreciation for the gift brought.

A relaxed host is an absolute must. Don’t start panicking if things go wrong; think logically and you will come up with solutions. Often, a few phone calls are all you need to fix the problem. Whatever you do, try not to get stuck in the kitchen: the cooking should not distract you from your friends once they are there.

Keep in mind if there is a guest with special needs. Try to be personally there to offer assistance and do it politely.

It is a friendly gesture, when confirming your invitation, to check whether there is something a guest cannot eat. Also, remember to accommodate guests who are on a diet; don’t insist on them having seconds and it is a good idea to make sure there is fresh fruit on the table.

As you guests leave, thank each one for having come to your party.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dealing with Social Anxiety

by Ayesha Parveen 12 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.This story has been read 114 times.

Social anxiety is perhaps, the single most common psychological problem. At a party with strangers, for instance, about 75% of adults feel anxiety. Most people wish they could overcome this problem and communicate with people confidently.

The following steps can help:

1. Prepare for it:
Preparation for any communicating situation is very important. Whether you are delivering a speech, going to an important social occasion or asking your boss for a raise, doing your homework will definitely help you. Some of the most polished, wonderfully delivered and spontaneous-sounding talks are the result of hours of hard work.

2. Break the ice:
What if you did not get a chance to prepare? Do not worry. When you meet someone at a social occasion, break the ice with a question or comment that conveys interest in the other person. However, we must be careful and never ask personal questions or give advice without being asked. One should never give negative comments like, “You’ve put on weight,” or “This hairstyle does not suit you.” Similarly, one should never ask for professional advice on such occasions.

3. Do not try to impress:
Instead of wondering, “Does he like me?” ask yourself, “Is he comfortable in this conversation?” Once you get into a ‘real’ conversation with someone, he will feel more friendly, more kindly disposed to you.

4. Positive response:
The way you listen gives messages about you too. Listen with interest, focusing your eyes on the speaker, unless he is deliberately avoiding eye-contact. However, one should not stare. When you are speaking or listening, your face should show some animation. Your facial expression should convey happiness in being with the person as well as show interest in what he is saying. Similarly, if someone is saying something sad, you should look serious. This helps you in adjusting your attitude to the need of the situation.

5. The right attitude:
For overcoming nervousness and shyness, a positive attitude helps a lot. Do not worry about any pronunciation or language mistake you might have made while speaking. Just be confident and polite. Know that in your own way, each one of you is the best in the world. Breathe in deeply and hold on to this belief. Success will be yours.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Time Management

by Ayesha Parveen 11 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 955 times.
“Time is money; money is freedom.” In most cases this saying is true and time-management is one of the most important aspects of modern, hectic living. The following points may be considered when we decide to manage our precious time:

1. Sleep:
Unless unfit, adults should try not to sleep for more than 8 hours per day. On a week-end, however, you may give yourself a sleep-treat of an extra hour, if you want to. Even if we do not have much work in hand, it is a good idea to not unnecessarily spend time sleeping. If you are awake, you can make use of some sudden opportunity life gives you.

2. Target a few items of work:
Each evening, write down about 4 to 6 items of work you plan to do the next day. Then, when the next day becomes ‘today’, give your best in doing the items of work you had chosen for yourself.

3. Review your work:
If, for some reason, you are unable to complete all the items of work, at the end of the day, sit and write down why the work could not be done. This will help you avoid the mistakes you might have made in your attempt to manage time. Moreover, it can also help you come up with a solution to the problem hindering your completion of work.

4. Cut down on time spent on addictive habits:
For time spent on addictive habits like watching the TV or chatting almost non-stop with friends, you might try seriously setting yourself a time-limit like 1 hour and keep elbow- space for about half-an-hour more.

5. Analyse each weekend:
Every weekend, analyse how much you have progressed. Do remember to write down the important work you could complete over the week because of your good time-management. This will act as great self-motivation.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Why Worry?

by Ayesha Parveen 07 Nov 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
This story has been read 210 times.
To worry is to feel tense about the future – immediate or distant. At its most intense, worry qualifies as an emotional disturbance often called Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) that at some point afflicts about 5% adults. Lesser degrees of worry are, however, present in almost every person. The point remains that, although a universal experience, worrying can cause much distress and so, we must try to understand worry and deal with it.

What causes worry?
Sometimes the trigger is a catastrophic event. Many people who experienced the Great Depression or the Holocaust could never overcome their fear of future uncertainties. Domineering or demanding parents play a role too. The children then develop the sense that they have no control over their world and must always be wary about what might happen to them. Sometimes, if children are thrust too soon into adult roles, they may worry.

Does worrying help?
No. It does not prepare us for the real world. In fact, when we panic, our brain does not function properly. Moreover, worry can prevent the body from reacting flexibly to stresses in the environment.

So, what should we do to avoid worry? The following steps might help:

1. Write down what is worrying you:
If you write down what is worrying you, you will see that most of it can be dealt with. Putting it in writing often helps us see the problem clearly, which makes it easier to look for solutions.

2. 15 minutes of worry-vaccination:
Everyday, spend about 15 minutes thinking about the things that worry you and look carefully at the list you have written down. Then consider each item of worry as a problem that can be solved sooner or later, and not as a hopeless situation. Remember, how you look at a problem is very important.

3. Worry-free time:
The rest of the day, consciously make an effort to be free of worry. Focus on the positive in your life, the happiness and love you are getting as well as giving.

4. Your answer should be written down:
When your mind suggests a solution (it often does) to a problem, write it down immediately, before it vanishes from your thought-process.

5. Weekly evaluation:
Every weekend, keep aside about 30 minutes evaluating how much you have progressed in finding solutions to your problems.

6. Trust life and your experiences:
Trust this beautiful, often mysterious, series of experiences collectively called life. Life gives us the answers, shows us the way. But we have to be patient and hopeful.

7. Invest in yourself:
The more you invest in yourself: your happiness and your development, the easier it will be for you to solve your problems. Wear the colour you like, interact with people who make you feel good, hold on to your dreams. These help in building up self-confidence which in turn makes you optimistic about the future. Thus, you will minimize worry.

8. The higher-power:
Believe that there is a power higher than humankind. It is that power which controls the cosmic laws of life and death, of deeds and consequences. If you can have faith in the benevolence of that higher power I call GOD, there will not be much cause to worry, no matter what you are going through.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Dealing With Emotional Pain

- by Ayesha Parveen 31 Oct 2008
Category: Lifestyle.
story has been read 461 times.
There are two basic explanations of why we suffer pain: some people look upon it as a punitive measure for wrong deeds committed and some say pain is there to test our endurance and thus, it has the potential to strengthen us to face further challenges in life. Whatever might be a person’s philosophy of the reason for pain, it is imperative to deal with pain properly or it can crush a person’s morale and de-motivate him completely. Dealing with physical pain is the domain of doctors of medicine; in this article, we will see what can be done about emotional pain, an inevitable experience in every person’s life.

Interacting with people:
For familial, social and professional reasons, we often have to interact with people who cause us a lot of emotional pain. They use harsh words, give out negative vibes and will only focus on what they think to be our mistakes. In other words, these are the people who have the ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude; they behave as if they ‘know all’ and love to verbally ‘throw acid’ on others. Life would have been simplified if we could completely avoid such people, but alas, that is not to be. So, when we cannot avoid their physical presence, what we can do is to build an emotional shield against them. This needs some effort on our part and includes self-talk. We must repeatedly tell ourselves that the negative people do not matter to us emotionally, and thus, their words do not have any significance for us. At the same time, we can politely but assertively make it clear to them that we are not interested in what they say. This can be done if we choose to communicate with them only when it becomes necessary, and not otherwise.

Opinions, own and others’:
One sure way of making your life miserable is by letting other people put ideas into your head. If you like to wear green, go ahead and wear that colour even if your ‘best friend’ says red suits you better. At the end of the day, you will feel a lot happier to be able to live your life than if you had allowed another to dominate you. I often come across women who say they have to ask their husbands if they can keep their hair short or have it long. (The hair is growing on one person’s head and another dictates the hairstyle!) If your choice does not cause unfairness to another person, you have a right to it. One way of asserting yourself in matters of choice and opinion is by saying, “Thank you for your opinion. However, I think and decide for myself.”

Deciding your course of action:
Once we do not let other people’s opinions affect us, we move on to decision-making. If we let others decide what is important for us, we become emotional- slaves. Without self-realization of values, hopes and ambitions, a person’s life becomes thwarted. We have this life for a short period of time, a few decades, and if a person does not genuinely try to become all that he has the potential to be, he might die a very frustrated and sad person indeed. All our dreams may not be fulfilled but we should try to materialize them, nevertheless. If you honestly feel for a cause, have a passion for a dream and toil effortlessly to reach your goals, you are definitely heading for some success. However, the first criterion is that the cause and the dream have to be your very own; another person should not decide for you.

Moving beyond forgiveness and punishment:
Often we come across people who talk non-stop about forgiving others. They say we must forgive everyone everything. Is it possible to forgive a spouse who betrays your trust or a ‘friend’ who stabs you from behind? Would you forgive a sadist who takes pleasure in hurting children? More important than whether it is possible to forgive everyone, is the question of right and wrong in forgiving. I personally think it is neither right nor possible to forgive everyone everything. If we forgive all, we draw no line between right and wrong, between good and evil. However, this does not mean we propagate hatred and nurse a grudge against someone who has grievously hurt us. Furthermore, it does not mean we take the law in our own hands. What is important is to get emotionally detached from the person who has seriously hurt us and let time decide what happens to the wrong-doer. This is what I would call moving beyond forgiveness and punishment. For the sake of sanity and justice, sometimes, divorces and break-ups become the only way out.

Be your own best friend and you will find it easier to deal with emotional pain. The people who hurt you are not worth holding on to. If you are kind and just to yourself, not only will you be happier, but, by setting an example, you will also encourage others to be so.